Dark Psychology 01
Why do we fall in love with an enemy? – Stockholm Syndrome
Although you can NOT believe intuitively, do you know there are cases in which we are inclined to fall in love with our cruel, hateful abuser? Actually, it's NOT a normal, common case, but under some contingent conditions, it can happen.
Stockholm syndrome. It is a psychological response to protect our own mind, where a hostage or an abuse victim develops positive feelings, empathy, or bonding toward their captors or abusers as a survival strategy. But it's NEVER a fake acting for show.
Coined after a bank robbery case in 1973 in Stockholm, Sweden, Stockholm syndrome is characterized by a victim defending abusers, distrusting authorities, and feeling gratitude for small kindnesses in the middle of the helpless torment.
The Origin – The Norrmalmstorg Robbery in 1973
The Norrmalmstorg robbery was a botched bank heist and subsequent 6-day hostage crisis at the Sveriges Kreditbanken in Stockholm, Sweden, from August 23 to August 28, 1973.
Later, the Norrmalmstorg robbery attracted global attention as the origin of Stockholm syndrome, describing a phenomenon in which captives develop an emotional bond and sympathy toward their captors.
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| The Norrmalmstorg robbery (1973) |
On August 23, 1973, the heist began. Jan-Erik Olsson entered the bank wearing a wig and makeup. Olsson was a convicted safe-cracker on furlough from prison. In the bank, Olsson fired a submachine gun as warning shots into the ceiling, and then took 4 bank employees (3 women and a man) as hostages.
Olsson demanded 3 million Swedish Kronor (SEK), a getaway car, and the release of his former cellmate, a notorious bank robber, Clark Olofsson.
The Swedish government complied with most demands, delivering the money, a blue Ford Mustang, and bringing Clark Olofsson directly to the bank.
However, authorities refused Olsson’s demand to leave the building accompanied by the hostages. In response, Olsson and newly joined Olofsson barricaded themselves along with the 4 captives inside the bank’s vault.
And then, after 130 hours in the vault… On August 28th, the police drilled holes through the vault’s ceiling and deployed tear gas into the vault. Eventually, Olsson and Olofsson surrendered immediately. And ALL hostages were freed without physical injuries.
Stockholm Syndrome was born
The Norrmalmstorg robbery crisis was the first criminal event in Sweden to be broadcast on live television, keeping the public transfixed in front of CRT displays.
But surprisingly, an unexpected psychological shift occurred during the siege. The hostages began to fiercely defend their captors and expressed deep hostility toward the police!
Later, in a recorded phone call to then Swedish prime minister Olof Palme, one of the hostages, Kristin Enmark, claimed fear of the police. She stated she felt safe with the captors, but feared the police would kill them in a reckless assault.
The captives later explained that the illusion that their captors Olsson and Olofsson’s small acts of kindness, like giving them jackets when cold or consoling them, made them see the criminals as protectors against the police threat in the traumatizing situation.
Describing this symbolic psychological event, criminologist and psychiatrist Nils Bejerot, who also advised the police during the siege on site, initially labeled the hostages’ unexpected behavior “Norrmalmstorg syndrome”.
However, the initial term later evolved into the internationally recognized term Stockholm syndrome, which came to be used commonly.
What happens in the victim’s mind – Psychological Mechanism
In psychology, Stockholm syndrome functions as an unconscious survival strategy and psychological defense mechanism where a victim forms an emotional attachment to their abuser to mitigate threat and increase their chances of staying alive.
Rather than being a conscious choice or a sign of mental weakness, in the psychological view, this paradoxical bonding is an involuntary trauma response triggered by extreme stress, isolation, and helplessness.
According to psychological frameworks, the mechanism of Stockholm syndrome is said to rely on 4 specific situational criteria:
1: Perceived threat to survival
The situation should be fatal and desperate. The victim undoubtedly believes the captor has the power to decide their life or death, and seriously intent on killing or severely harming them.
2: Perceived small kindnesses
Nevertheless, the abuser shows minor acts of decency, such as providing food, allowing a bathroom break, throwing a consoling word, or simply letting the victim live in the middle of a seriously dead-or-alive situation.
Imagine, for example, an abuser aiming a gun at you and saying, “I’m going to kill you!” If he suddenly changes his mind and says, “I won't kill you,” the victim who felt as good as dead moments before can NOT help but feel immense gratitude toward the abuser as a savior.
3: Isolation from outside perspectives
The victim is completely cut off from any means of communication with family, friends, acquaintances, and law enforcement authorities outside, leaving the abuser as their sole source of information in the confined situation.
4: Inability to escape
The victim is NEVER able to escape, feeling entirely confined, trapped, powerless, helpless. And their fate is structurally dependent on the abuser, with NO choice within their physically limited space at hand. Therefore, the abuser is the ONLY reliable person to the victim.
The human brain alters its normal cognitive functions under these unusual constraints through several interconnected psychological concepts:
Trauma Bonding and Intermittent Reinforcement
The foundational mechanism of Stockholm syndrome is closely linked to trauma bonding. In psychology, trauma bonding refers to a deep, unhealthy emotional attachment that forms between a victim and their abuser.
Trauma bonding becomes increasingly enforced by the psychological process called intermittent reinforcement. Trauma bonding is driven by cycles of abuse alternating with intermittent kindness, making it exceptionally difficult for the victim to leave the relationship.
In psychology, intermittent reinforcement is an operant conditioning principle where a desired behavior is rewarded ONLY occasionally, rather than every single time it occurs. In such a case, as the reward is unpredictable, the individual keeps repeating the behavior in anticipation of the next win.
The operant conditioning was first identified by the radical behaviorist psychologist B. F. Skinner (1904–1990). The intermittent reinforcement makes behaviors incredibly strong, persistent, and highly resistant to extinction, meaning they are incredibly tough to stop. Intermittent reinforcement can explain addictive behaviors in general, typically seen in gambling addiction.
In the case of Stockholm syndrome, when an abuser alternates between terrorizing behavior and unexpected rewards, such as a kind word or physical safety, it creates a powerful neurological reinforcement cycle in the victim’s vulnerable mind.
The victim’s brain becomes hyper-focused on seeking the next reward to desperately ease the terror, forcing an intense emotional attachment to the source of both the pain and the relief.
Cognitive Dissonance Resolution
Cognitive dissonance refers to the psychological discomfort we feel when our beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors clash with reality. As the human brain naturally craves consistency, this internal unsatisfactory friction creates mental tension, forcing us to subconsciously rationalize, justify, or alter our perspective, aligning with reality to restore psychological wholesome balance.
Cognitive dissonance theory dictates that the human mind can NOT easily tolerate two conflicting realities. In the case of Stockholm syndrome, a captive faces severe distress knowing their captor is a lethal threat, while concurrently needing to rely on the abuser entirely for food, water, and survival.
To resolve this psychological friction, the victim’s brain unconsciously distorts reality. The victim begins to rationalize the abuser’s cruel behavior, viewing them favorably to match their own forced compliance. As a result, the victim’s mind desperately warps its own perception and recognition instead of accepting the uncomfortable reality itself that is impossible to change.
Hypervigilance and Perspective Merging
In psychology, Hypervigilance is a state of heightened sensory sensitivity and constant, subconscious scanning of the environment for perceived threats.
In our brains, there is a paired nuclear complex as part of the limbic system present in each left and right cerebral hemisphere called the Amygdala.
The amygdala plays a primary role in the processing of memory, decision-making, and emotional responses, such as fear, anxiety, and aggression.
When the brain’s fear center, the amygdala, is overactive, the survival mechanism of hypervigilance gets stuck in overdrive, leaving the nervous system perpetually braced for danger.
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| Amygdala (source: Cleveland Clinic) |
Besides, in psychology, perspective merging (or self-other overlap) is the cognitive and emotional process where the boundaries between oneself and another entity blur.
In the state of perspective merging, we adopt someone else’s viewpoint so deeply that their traits, emotions, goals, and experiences are incorporated and united into our own self-concept.
In the case of Stockholm syndrome, driven by the survival instinct, hypervigilance, the victim becomes hyper-attuned to the captor’s moods, habits, purposes, and desires. The victim desperately and unconsciously learns to anticipate what keeps the abuser calm to protect themselves.
Over time, this constant focus causes the victim to blur the lines between their own identity and the captor’s identity. Gradually, the victim comes to absorb the captor's worldview, motivations, and biases, and at the same time, comes to view outside authorities or rescuers as the real enemy, standing by the abuser’s viewpoint.
Identification with the Aggressor
In psychodynamic theory, the identification with the aggressor signifies a psychological defense mechanism where a victim unconsciously adopts the abuser's behaviors, traits, or functional attributes.
By mimicking, emulating, or even becoming the aggressor, the victim’s psyche transforms the feeling of helplessness, hopelessness, and despair into a pseudo-state of safety, mastery, and control to convince themselves.
The more the victim becomes hypervigilant, the more they become highly attuned to the aggressor's expectations. In psychology, this mechanism is called anticipatory compliance. The victim unconsciously adapts the abuser’s personality to anticipate and prevent further hostility.
Seen in the dynamics of abusive relationships or hostage situations, typically as the Stockholm syndrome, the victim adopts the viewpoints or even understands the aggressive stances of their abuser as a whole to alleviate their severe anxiety of being threatened.
Rooted in psychodynamic theory, the ego defense mechanism of identification occurs when a powerless person internalizes the traits of their oppressor. By psychologically becoming, emulating, or fully siding with the source of danger, the victim's mind creates a false sense of safety and control, making the threat feel less terrifying to balance their fierce anxiety.
While Stockholm syndrome is said to be a comparatively rare case, occurring in an estimated around 8% of hostage situations according to the FBI data, we could certainly fall in love with our very abuser in specific conditions by our own psychological mechanism.
There are still several historical landmark events after the Norrmalmstorg robbery that popularized and challenged the concept of Stockholm syndrome.
In a contemporary context, typical cases of domestic violence (DV), child abuse, human trafficking, sexual abuse, and cult indoctrination can engender such a response as a psychological mechanism for the victim's survival.
In addition, note that Stockholm syndrome is still highly debated, and is NOT recognized as an official mental disorder according to the American Psychiatric Association (APA)’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th Edition), DSM-5 (2013).
Further reading (sponsored by Amazon):
● David King (2020). Six Days in August: The Story of Stockholm Syndrome. 298 pages. W. W. Norton & Company.
(sponsored by Amazon)
Based on a wealth of previously unpublished sources, including rare film footage and unprecedented access to the main participants, “Six Days in August: The Story of Stockholm Syndrome” captures the surreal events in their entirety, on an almost minute-by-minute basis! “Six Days in August: The Story of Stockholm Syndrome” depicts a rich human drama that blurs the lines between loyalty and betrayal, obedience and defiance, fear and attraction—and is a groundbreaking work of nonfiction that forces us to consider "Stockholm syndrome" in an entirely new light!
Table of Contents
Author’s Note
Chapter 1 – 48
Epilogue
Notes
Illustration Credits
Index
